Celebrating 1 year — Bolder Joce
Reading time: 4 minutes February 11th marked one year since I launched my blog, Bolder Joce. I had the stories. I had the passion. I just had to publish. The weeks leading up to launch made me doubt my plans.
It was Black History Month and in Minneapolis, there were particularly three young Black boys whose lives were recently taken. I remember Amir Locke, Jahmari Rice, and Deshaun Hill. Their future gone, just like that. I was already present with grief and these losses although not familial felt close. More days feeling heavy and days holding my son closer.
The right to tell my story
What started as simply writing to process and reflect became a platform for sharing. The focus, bolder possibilities on my terms. I remember texting my friend Merissa my doubts. I didn’t want to be tone deaf. She shared these comforting words:
“I hear you! But people might appreciate some freshness. You have the right to tell your story. We’re all grieving and trying to cope in different ways.”
BOOM…14 blog posts later and the rest is history.
Befriending my fears
It’s can be easy to spiral into the what ifs in any kind of scenario. I decided from the beginning of blogging, that I wasn’t chasing likes or followers. I wanted to write about my path. I wanted to write it the way it made sense to me. I knew I wasn't going to be for everybody but for somebody somewhere, my words, my being may shed light and remind them of their possibilities.
Reminders that it’s okay to break to build. Reminders to trust the process and not engineer it.
I haven’t given fear a name yet like some 12-step programs suggest. I’m getting curious about fear’s presence in my life. Instead of giving fear free range in my mind, I try to remind fear that we can be cool and that thoughts aren't always facts. Thoughts aren't always ours. They can and may often be conditioned statements we've been taught to believe.
“I would be afraid to let go of the things that may be holding me back because I dont want to lose me. Because who is me if I dont have the pain, who is me if I dont have the trauma, who is me if I don’t have the mistrust? I dont want to lose me, I know me. What if I’m not me? I love me. If I want to lose me, do I still love me?”
Top 5 Tips for Facing Fears
Acknowledge they exist
Recognize where fear may influence your thoughts and behaviors. You can’t change anything you’re not willing to face. Fear can be a trauma response. Not all fear is bad, and at points in your life, it’s served you well. Fear may look like accepting something familiar, a person, a place, a job, because the familiar you know feels safer than the unknown. Becoming aware of fear is essential.
Reflect on it’s place in your life
Author and life coach Jay Shetty interviewed Trevor Noah about attachment and identity. Noah said: “we are so attached to the idea of who we are, the story that we’ve told ourselves. The story that we continue to tell ourselves who we are, who we wish to be, who we should be...I would get so attached to that, then I would be afraid to let go of the things that may be holding me back because I dont want to lose me..” Find the full episode on your favorite podcast app or Youtube.
Trust the process
Keep an open mind. Focusing on the best possible outcome can shape stronger self-trust in new ways to approach life. Address your fears incrementally. Practices may look like breathwork , meditation, and guided visualizations to help regulate and moments where doubt and triggers may surface.
Pursue Love over Fear
Fear reminds us of many things. Fear may never go away. Fear deserves to be understood, but not sensationalized. Love can conquer many things. Let’s find a bigger home for love; for positive self talk (affirmations) and gentle reminders of your undoubted worth and possibilities.
“Don’t let fear interfere”
Fear can manifest as your inner critic. The voice that tells you whether you’re qualified to be [you name it]. At a Youthprise conference several years ago, fashion mavens and Minnesota natives Coco and Breezy advised in pursuit of dreams: “don’t let fear interfere.” To go somewhere new requires expansion.
More gifts in the message
Remembering and honoring Amir Locke, Jahmari Rice, and Deshaun Hill
Coco and Breezy high fashion eyewear brand, article on their rise
Theme song: You Gotta Be, Des’ree (YouTube)
A song on fear: Running, Abi Ocia (YouTube)