reading time: 4 minutes

Child at a park observing rocks while holding their mother’s hand.

I shared recently, things my child is teaching me that are helping me reimagine parenting. My lens centers what I’m teaching my child so that he can know what it means to own his body, to be loved, to be affirmed, and to be free.

Conscious parenting is the kind of parenting that has the power to break toxic generational cycles and socially engineered power over/bullying/devaluing of children. I adopt it and I’m not here to defend my why. I’ve seen the benefits already and sharing some of my practices.

Things I’m teaching my child

Body sovereignty - Your body, your choice

For all that the world has the capacity to destroy, pouring love into my son is the biggest weapon of defense I offer. From a tender young age, it’s a revolutionary act to raise a Black child to have power over their own body (read that again).

The body and who touches it, what consumes it, who they choose to connect with, and how they choose to move through the world. I could talk about all the systems engineered to “spirit murder” and literally lock away the Black child, rape culture, toxic masculinity… but this is a post on how I combat that.

Sex positive talk especially consent are major parts of our age friendly conversations. We talk about body parts and who gets to touch them. We talk about all the ways love can be shown beyond hugs including high fives, fist bumps, and waves. Mostly I strive to talk shame-free and openly on the curious and critical questions to explain what and why.

EXAMPLE: Winter coats and the freedom to feel

Body sovereignty in action was Kai wanting to go to school with no coat on. No lie, winters in Minnesota are nothing to play with. I begrugingly let him walk to the door and reassured him, the coat would be needed. “Trust your body” I said to my strongwilled kid. I kindly suggested he open the door and feel the outside… see if he still didn’t want a coat.

For the parents and other people’s once kids at the edge of their seat reading, I had his coat in tow knowing it would be needed regardless. He pushed the door open and in seconds chuckled: “oh mom, that was silly” as arms dashed in his coat.

The point I’m making is I let him reason first and decide for his body. At worst he’s outside a few minutes before we enter the car where for car seat safety, I take his coat off anyways and tuck over his seatstraps for warmth. I’ve outlined a privilege in having a vehicle and recognize everyone’s situation and economics are different and my principle remains.

Similarly, potty training was a shame-free experience, which empowered him to trust and learn his body.

2. You are loved

Even if we coparent now, I remind my son that nothing that happened between his father, and I was ever his fault. Families change and it doesn’t matter if a family lives in two homes or one. The love remains no matter the set up. It’s far better to have two happy homes than modeling the ins and outs of an unhealthy one.

Cool practice and pro tip: As coparents, we set up a monthly family time activity. Kai (like most kids I’d imagine) enjoys seeing his parents together for him and we show up centering Kai in needs and priorities.

3. Black is Beautiful

I uplift with daily affirmations. I fill Kai’s cup with so much positive self talk. Protecting Black children calls for weapons of mass love. Some he’s learned to recite:

I’m Black, I’m beautiful, I’m smart
I’m mighty
I matter
I’m strong
I never give up
I keep trying

4. Reading matters

We read so many books especially by African American authors with stories of Black kid joy, culture, and belonging. Regardless of where he goes, I read for him to be seen, heard, and adored by and for his African American heritage. Most importantly, we read to be free.

We read and count in the grocery store, the foods, the colors, the number of items we buy.
We read street signs and lights.
We recall places like homes, highways, planes.
We tell make believe stories and mad libs.
We visit the library.

Tender parenting reminders: