Ex-Factor, my Jesus Year, and the Rebirth
reading time: 2 minutes
Image of music legend Lauryn Hill. Photo credit: Tore Sætre
Me: Oh girl, Ex-Factor Lauryn Hill is my anthem right now.
Friend: Yes. Have you listened to it as if you’re the ex though?
Me: … That’s deep. And I will.
“Tell me who I have to be (who I have to be)
To get some reciprocity
See, no one loves you more than me (more than me)
And no one ever will (no one ever will, yeah)”
My new thing is listening to love songs and I’m the sender and receiver. This practice was made possible thanks in large part to Alissa Paris, Executive Director of MidWest Mixed. I’m on a new relationship journey with myself. 33 was the year of becoming. Some call it the Jesus year because of what dies and resurrects — something new is birthed and made new.
According to Urban Dictionary: the Jesus year as “the 33rd year of your life where you are reborn in some sense. Perhaps a mid-life crisis, perhaps an ego death, perhaps the year where you abandon old ways and start new.”
For me, some things closed, some things shifted, and some things were reborn. My year of 33 ended with a lot of spiritual enlightenment. Before y’all get too curious on my religious affiliation, I’m not part of a religious institution. I consider myself spiritual. Growing up, I read the bible religiously, so I recall 33 being the year Jesus had a lot going on…sold out by so-called friends, was crucified, stepped into his power, and made new via resurrection (a cliff notes accounting). In the most basic sense for me, that was a year of great gain, great pain, and deep introspection. Note, I’m 34 at the time of this original post, so I can look back and reflect fully on that critical year of life.
I’m becoming made new and acknowledge this beauty comes with pain. On this road, I’ve found a love for myself that was once isolated, starved, and suppressed for a long time. These days I wake with a thankfulness to be awake another day. I embrace nourishing my body with good food and great skin. Since grad school, I can read and write freely. I can center more prominently rest and find pleasure in it.
Breakups like the iconic artist Lauryn Hill describes in Ex-Factor aren’t always in terms of traditional partnered relationships. The breakups I’ve discovered:
Relationships that dimmed my sense of self.
People and conditions that leave me devalued and restless.
Standards of living that result in emptiness and exhaustion.
Gimmicks of self-care. Seeking outside validation over lasting inside care.
True to form, break ups will put you in a self-realization:
“See, no one loves you more than me (more than me)
And no one ever will (no one ever will, yeah)”
So, I challenge you to think about what you need to break up with to reawaken and restore the goodness of your soul. What’s on your breakup list?
Tender reminders
Stop wasting time rescuing other people. Rescue yourself.
Everyone deserves respect, dignity, kindness, and compassion.
It’s not yours to carry.
You are enough. No one but you determines this.
You are loveable. You were born that way.
Listen to your body. The body keeps the score.
Break up resources:
Turn to music:
Some of my faves…Books:
This is why I’m Celebrating My ‘Jesus Year’ by Sa’Iyda Shabazz (Scary Mommy)
Lauryn Hill Ex Factor music video YouTube