Kaiden taught his great grandmother how to play mancala. A game of beads that start in seemingly even places then get collected, shared, and sorted into different spaces across a game board. Solid wood. Shiny beads.

Twelve half-mooned holes and on both sides, two larger tubs to store the beads. Each person with a hand collecting and transferring something forward and across with wins and losses along the way. Seventy-four years separate them, yet their bond makes the years apart insignificant compared to what they’re able to cultivate in one given moment.

A grandson and great grandmother playing the board game mancala.

It’s a beautiful thing when the young teach the old and the old teach the young.

One night, I was talking to my grandmother. She’s my last living grandparent so I can appreciate the sacredness of time. Eighty one-years-old and still full of life. I could see where some of my colorful humor is rooted. I felt the edge of hyperbole seasoned in the boundless stories and lessons. I also resonated with her devout oath to no nonsense.

Grandma and I sat across from one another; her on the love seat, me on the couch or as mom would say sofa. I wonder if the word sofa is short for so familiar. As in a comfort and cushion to catch, hold, and love. I told grandma I was working on a new blog post. She inquired and I shared my concept focused on being my own shelter. She asked me what that meant. My words are less brilliant, so for context, I tuned Kelly Finnigan’s “Be Your Own Shelter.”

I felt us both catch a vibe. Heads bobbing with the old school, sultry, gritty kind of cool. This is that bluesy soul music that stirred our inner core. “I like that song,” she said. The feeling was so familiar.

The song is a whole mood board for how I’ve evolved in my relationships, friendships, and sense of being in connection with others. In breaking down the why for the song, Finnigan said:

“I wanted to sing about you know the reality of relationships in terms of depending on your partner, your friend, however that relationship is…You know, understanding the boundaries of like, of course I will be there for you. Of course I will come help you, rescue you, you know, lend you a hand, give you a shoulder to cry on but at the end of the day you have to make sure you have yourself ready in case the stuff hits the fan as they say.

Because the fact is, things can get rough right you know when you least expect it. So be your own shelter is basically saying hey I’m going to come get you girl or you know whoever your love is or your friend but at the end of the day you got to make sure that you can take on the storm by yourself.”

— Kelly Finnigan

I’m reminded of ways I’m choosing to be my own shelter. I celebrate my lifelong sense of independence with the acknowledgement that human connection and support forever remains important to me. To love is something I’m constantly collecting ideas around, sharing experiences with people, and sorting to hold onto what’s sacred and adapt (or archive) the rest.

Being my own shelter has looked many different ways. To highlight some top examples for 2024, I’ve dabbled into cryotherapy, eating more green, investing in my writing, keeping life light, and my favorite old but new hobby, running.

5 ways I’m choosing to be my own shelter

Choosing to chill with cryotherapy
Eating more well
Investing in my writing
Keeping life light
Running

1. Cryotherapy

I started cold therapy with pure curiosity and a lot of wtf questions on what are these white people doing dipping in the lake in the middle of winter. Someone called one group the Nokomis dippers. Lake Harriet had their own too, maybe the same people, I don’t know.

I was intrigued and had done the ice bowl facials for a while, so this seemed like a good next step. I talked to a couple friends about trying it. One of my germ aware friend’s was cautiously optimistic and said: “Jocelyn, okay but can we find a center with clean water? The lake is nasty.” Touché homegirl.

I found a local place, (BIPOC-owned too!) that offered a cold steam version of the experience. Even better, you don’t get wet. My body temperature has dropped as low as 44 degrees. For my 37th birthday, I had a freeze and chill party. I brought 13 of my favorite friends too. It was amazing for me and amazing to see them all try new things too.

Image of Jocelyn in a whole body cryotherapy chamber.

2. Eating well

Before I was more green bound, I’ll start by saying I grew up on the millennial diet of homecooked meals, Koala Yummies, frozen pizzas, McDonald’s and such. It wasn’t until after Kaiden, after breastfeeding, and after seeing family members battle sickness that I was more conscious and curious about the effects of certain food on my body, energy, skin, and more. I wanted to try something new. I wanted to see what the craze was all about.

I’m no nutritionist, but have hung around more juicers and herbalists that are teaching me things. This year, I manifested abundance. I was also thinking of it in the way of giving more life to my years. It hasn’t been a complete overhaul to vegan, but I no longer eat red meat or cow milk. I’m more gluten aware. I’ve eaten (with joy) more greens and leafy salads. My skin and energy levels are reflecting and reminding me I am what I eat — and more green and full of energy are the current.

3. Writing

Writing has always nourished my soul. Since a young age, I’ve been poetic. I’ve written random raps. Told outlandish stories. I was the school yearbook signer that gave thought to my words from every friend who asked for my autograph. If I could be nominated for anything, I’d want it to be for the way I rebirth and reimagine words. My writing is my superpower. It pierces deep, capable of healing, creates thought migrations, and leaves concepts and mind sets in a different atmosphere than they once were.

When I commune with other writers, I find myself affirmed in my ideas and the ways I bring stories to life. Through my own grief, much of my love for writing was reborn. I’ve found a place for my thoughts that allows me to express myself authentically.

My late Uncle would turn the camera on and just document and document. It used to annoy me. I didn’t understand until he was gone how much it matters to keep a constant accounting of your life. When you think about the future, and a time when our lives become fossils, we can be our greatest historians. We can leave the clearest sense of our legacy and what we choose to be, say, and build in this lifetime. I find my words to not only be a shelter, but my greatest gift to the world around me.

4. Keeping life light

While on my way somewhere, I got caught behind a slower driver. It wasn’t Sunday, but it sure felt like it. I called a friend and told them I’d be a little late. I told them I was behind a “20 is plenty” driver; alluding to someone comfortable driving 20 miles per hour and nothing more than that. Instead of riding their bumper, being mad, or being passive aggressive, I slowed down and took in the scenery.

Kaiden will remind me of the simplicity of life too. Over the weekend, we rode bikes around the lake. We stopped and saw a heron. We sat and watched a lone duck swim around the water’s edge. We took time to take in life unplugged, unadulterated, just life as is.

Image of a child looking through the trees at a heron sitting on a branch overlooking the water.

At home, we decluttered and got rid of things we no longer needed. We also decluttered our minds. We sat on my yoga mat and took turns with the breathing ball. Breathe in joy, breathe out hate. Breathe in peace, breathe out fear. These were truly moments of calm and connection.

Indeed, keeping life light carries multiple meanings. Life’s taught me to slow down. It’s taught me to see the world around me. It’s taught me to cherish the mundane. It’s taught me to share these precious moments with my child.

Child sitting with ice cream along the water's edge while watching a lone duck swim nearby.

5. Running

The ultimate testament to being your own shelter is what you are capable of doing when no one else is looking. It’s the things you do regardless of whether anyone else cares. When you’re not on an ego trip or shopping spree for validation, there’s a sense of passion and purpose. Running has been a source of that for me.

Next year I’ve committed to running a marathon. That’s 26.2 miles! Since I started seriously running in the past year, I’ve completed two half marathons and three 5Ks. This doesn’t include my races in past years either. I’ve consistently ran with my uncle and friends. My core is stronger, my muscles are more defined. My mind is more sharp. After a good run, I think and write better. I don’t always like to run, but I know it makes me feel better when I do.

Photo with Jocelyn and Uncle Steve at Brian Kraft 5K at Lake Nokomis

Being my own shelter is more than freezing myself, eating well, investing in my writing, keeping life light, and running. It’s about remembering that living with a sense of self matters. To be the greatest asset I can be for the community around me, I must first know myself.

I must know what it means to feel covered and warm. I must know what pleases me and gives me delight. I must know what the rain feels like. I must know what brings the rainbows and sunshine. Utlimately, I must know how best to cultivate self-love to weather whatever storm I face in life.

The gifts in the message

Florida Evacuation Updates and Resources
Call 800-729-3413 for evacuation assistance. 7 am - 7 pm.

Homecoming by Thema Bryant, PhD
Letting go is sacred, and letters to autumn (Alex Elle)

Be Your Own Shelter by Kelly Finnigan (About)

Be Your Own Shelter by Kelly Finnigan (song on YouTube)

The Sweetest of It All by MaLLy:
On Spotify 3 Singles (Show Me Love, Doing Okay, Dreaming)

Only the person that takes risks is truly free, Christopher Eubank

Food, Alkalinity, and Healing Your Body with Cameron Moore and Koya Webb