What Spider-man taught me about mental health
Reading time: 4 minutes I thought I was going to rest on Spider-man and the obsession continues! Kaiden and I saw Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse last week. It was 2 hours, 120-plus moments of laughter, suspense, and joy. With popcorn and wide eyes, we laughed, we snuggled, and watched something amazing unfold.
I can’t begin to express how significant it is for movie producers to stage set the topic of mental health let alone in an action movie. The topic was accessible, matter of fact, and shame-free. It is possible, this has been done before, it was my first movie visit since COVID-19, so I can stand corrected if there’s more movies like this one. Any rate, here’s my top five reasons this mother-son rendezvous meant so much to me.
Normalizing you are not alone
In the context of normalizing someone is not alone, Gwen Stacy introduced the movie with a series of descriptions on Miles Morales and how his identity and experiences connected him to something bigger:
“He was bitten by a radioactive spider. And he’s not the only one. ”
“He hasn’t always had it easy. And he’s not the only one. ”
“I didn’t want to hurt him. But I did. And he’s not the only one.”
Spider-man aka Miles Morales upside down and surrounded by a fleet of Spider superheroes
Normalizing connects to the humanity in all of us. It supports a confidence that whatever someone is going through, there are others out there facing the same thing. Normalizing in the best context creates a sense of belonging versus isolation. When done effectively, normalizing validates versus invalidates someone’s experience.
2. Modeling healthy outlets to express oneself
“I joined the band so I can hurt my feelings with sticks.”
Gwen found an outlet for her feelings. She used the drums to release her aggression and other feelings. Finding outlets to express emotions can take countless forms be it writing, painting, dancing, gardening, sports, or other practices. When gone unaddressed, suppressed feelings can lead to more chronic illnesses including high blood pressure, cancer, physical deterioration and more. How do you acknowledge and let your feelings out?
3. Normalizing conversations
“Do you want to talk about it? Men of your generation neglect their mental health.”
I took a pause because Miles said this to his dad; a police officer at that. It was a matter-of-fact question, yet powerfully opened up lines of communication that allowed his father to be vulnerable. As a teenager, I didn’t even know what mental health was, much less any audacity to ask my dad this question. College was my first introduction. P.S. look into free counseling if your college campus offers.
Clearly we’re living in different times compared to my 1990s to early 2000s upbringing. This scene modeled something incredibly touching and undoubtedly possible for families willing to open up healthy dialogues on feelings — especially adults being critical models.
4. Creating a safe space
“You know you can tell me anything”
Miles’ mother said this to him in the most endearing way. She expressed a level of open communication that gave Miles space to share how he felt, what he was going through, and …(okay, I’ll stop, no spoilers). The fact that Miles knew he could come to his mom and tell her anything suggested a level of trust, comfort, and protection his mother would always provide.
Much like the ability to provide basic needs like food and shelter, there’s value in providing an emotionally available presence and safe spaces for children to express themselves. From experience, it’s amazing what my child will share with me when I give him the space to be vulnerable that’s free of judgment and centered on understanding and connection.
5. Believing in the power of your story
“Everyone keeps telling me my story and how it’s supposed to be. Nah, ima do my own thing.”
No words better spoken. I swear the youth bring the conviction for better dreams and futures in this world. Over 30 years in the game of life and this quote affirmed so much of my greatness. It affirmed so much of what I want my son to always believe. There’s so much life to live once we begin choosing the narrative that belongs to us and no one else.
People can have their opinions and expectations of us that center on their worldview (i.e., their upbringing, who their teachers are, their limiting beliefs, their ideas of success, etc.). You have to be your biggest projection— one that radiates your truest most beautiful self. You have to know your worth and recognize others misaligned value of you has NOTHING to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with them.
While I didn’t cry, the mom in me wanted to. I think about how subtle and easy it can be to murder the spirit of the youth. I also see the power in being someone who creates space for people to feel seen and heard.
There were other classic movie moments showing how fearless parents can be, but I won’t give too much away. See the movie for yourself.
My biggest reminder is that while mental health can be complex, the conversations and connections are within reach. Like many things in life, the journey takes healing and comes in ebbs and flows.
Give yourself grace. Choose joy. Choose to do life bigger and better. Choose you because who you are deep down, those parts of you that shine brighter than the stars are exactly what this universe needs.
The gifts in the message
Help is within reach: If you or someone you love is experiencing thoughts of suicide, call or text 988.
How to help kids and teens with their mental health, students weigh in. MPR News
"When we heal ourselves, we heal each other. " video with author Alex Elle (Facebook)
A recent story on the mental health awareness campaign I’m running for work. Spokesman Recorder
Puzzles are one of many outlets and offer calm and relaxation, a recent blog post (Bolder Joce)